Saturday, January 31, 2009

Unhappy anniversary

It's been twelve years. Well - technically it was twelve years yesterday. 1/31/1997 *sigh* Parts of it are a blur and parts are so crystal clear it's like they happened yesterday. Like the smell. I'll get a whiff of lawn mower exhaust and that day comes crashing back. Or the panic I felt when the cops asked if I was sure the kids were at school and not somewhere in the house. But I barely remember calling 911 and I don't recall anything I said to the kids when the cops brought them home from school.

I still miss him. I guess I always will. And part of me would like to have him back. But another part knows that if he hadn't died I would have never met my current husband who I adore or had two more kids that I wouldn't trade for the world.

It's a very odd feeling and not something I feel comfortable talking about to my DH or to my friends. Because let's face it - it's a depressing topic. And I wouldn't want my dh to think I love him less just because I loved someone else first and still miss that person.

It feels really strange typing this out and tears keep welling up in my eyes. I refuse to write more setails. Brings up too many sad thoughts. In fact I might come back and delete this post - but for now I think I need to keep it around for a couple of days.

2 comments:

Feisty Irish Wench said...

We are who we've become because of the adversity, challenges, difficulties, losses, joys, happiness, triumphs and successes. I wouldn't have such a wonderful friend and would have never found a church family nearly as tremendous as I have if things had been different. As much as I know it hurts, and it sucks immeasurably for you, one of the bright spots that has come of it, is that I have you for a friend and you even love me for all my crazy quirks and idiocyncracies.
Don't delete the post. Ultimately it honors both men in your life, past and present.
Ours is a strange and unusual friendship. And it's debatable as to who is strange and who is unusual.

Laura said...

We can't really regret our past if our present is wonderful.
Life is a cause/effect.
You seem like your soul is in a peaceful place and you appreciate all you have.
It's inspiring.